GFY

What is it about people that they feel this *need* to create drama? I just simply cannot understand this. I have enough going on in my life that I truly don't care what someone else is doing, so long as it doesn't impact what I'm doing.

People, especially insecure people, seem to think if they can come up with something you are doing that they can twist into something sordid then they have an obligation to perpetuate what they dream up as fact.

Insecurity in general I have a hard time dealing with. I've dealt with my own, I don't care to deal with the insecurities or petty jealousies of others.

I don't care to..yet why is it that I so often find myself dealing with another's jealousy or insecurity?
Why do I have this feeling as though I should try to help them? Why do I feel like less of a person because *they* are insecure?

Why is the word "why" so prevalent in my thoughts?

Because I long to garner understanding from my environment. I need to know why fear wins out. Or why fear is the easier of two choices. Why be afraid? Why can't we freely admit what we want, regardless of what that is?

Why? Societal rules and expectations. Expectations that aren't our own, but what we extrapolate from others. Funny what we do to ourselves huh?

There are those that say w/o society we'd be nothing less than animals...who is the happier? I vote for the animals.

I know the why folks...why? Because we want to be, in the immortal words of Pink Floyd, "Comfortably Numb"

Do what you want folks. Don't sucomb to the insecure. Fuck the insecure.

Sunrise in my backyard

I got a new lens for Christmas! :D

My meal at IHOP

Well...I should know better.

I *should*, but yet I manage not to anyway.

We came in to work WAAY too early today to do some work.

We hadn't eaten breakfast and IHOP was suggested. What you see above were my two neighbors...who complained about their meal, the cost, and the type of syrups...for over an hour.

These two ordered the all you can eat Pancake combo, and complained about being ripped off, because they didn't eat the eggs. "I don't think we should have to pay for what we don't eat..."

They had three servings of pancakes in the time we were there, and they were there before us and after we left.

What do you want for $6.99?

Gunslinger

I was counseled last week...about my attitude. I was told that my perception here at work was a "Gunslinger." Now little did he know that I would take that as a compliment due to a series of novels by Stephen King. My ego aside...during our conversation I'd asked him to expound on this perception and why they felt it so.

His explanation puzzled me. Basically he stated that I was well respected for my technical expertise, however the perception was that if I was told to do something that I didn't agree with I would argue about it, or not let go of the issue after a managerial decision had been made. I asked if they really wanted employees that would do what they thought was wrong. He explained that there was my trouble, that it wasn't about right and wrong...and he eventually mentioned gray areas. I hate "gray areas" it's usually just so much B.S. fools throw around in order to do the wrong things. In my mind, and my experience, gray is the color of failure.

Perhaps it is because I've been around computers for so long, or the fact Spock was a childhood mentor, or the oddities of my genetic makeup...but I see almost everything in a binary fashion. On or off, right or wrong, good or bad, smart or stupid, strong or weak...you get the point. There was no specific mention of anything I had ever actually refused to do here at work, and as best as I recall I've never actually refused to do anything I've been asked or eventually told to do. I am not now nor have I ever been pliable however, and I believe it is this facet of my personality that they find objectionable.

As explained to me I was too tenacious if a decision was made against my recommendations. A reference was loosely made about reminding managers that they were advised against something when their decision turned out to be wrong.

Now me being the type of person I am inside, I took these criticisms to heart, and began thinking about corrective actions that I could take. Perhaps it was just me. Perhaps I am wrong. I make these considerations internally all the time...it's what makes me sure when I believe I am right.

This thought process kept me up all night, I truly wondered how to fix this issue. To the point that I went to my manager the next day, and continued the conversation, and asked how best to deal with my personality. We talked for another hour or so and I further considered things.

I was really getting down on myself, until I was reminded of my principles. The truth is that in this oh so politically correct world where we coddle to the lowest common denominator, and avoid any and everything that could even remotely offend...we are all being held hostage.

This shift in behavior is exemplified, for me anyway, by the differences between Star Trek, and Star Trek: The Next Generation. The addition of a "counselor" on the bridge is a prime example of fiction pandering to reality...Kirk would have had only one use for Couselor Troi...and it wouldn't be to garner the enemy's 'feelings!' Who gives a shit how they feel? Blast them!

But that's my method of problem solving, not the masses. I see a problem, I fix it...next? I don't need to consider the feelings of the person responsible for making the error, I don't care...they should feel like the dumbass they are, and try not to feel that way again...by not being a dumbass again!

Instead I am expected, nay required, to consider those deemed to be 'in charge' and not hurt their little feelings by pointing out that I was right in the first place, and they were wrong. Tell me where the gray is between right and wrong? Same as that between being pregnant or not I expect.

I have no intention of changing to appease these sensitive folks. In the words of "Happy Bunny" whom I have enshrined in my office on a coffee cup:
"I'm not mean. You're just a sissy."

I remain non-compliant.

Pride and Prejudice

I'm at a loss as to how best to start this entry as there is no best way. Perhaps the best way would be not at all, however I've tried repression for years and have had no positive results from that so let us give expression a try...thoughbeit somewhat public.

I am not what you would traditionally label as a conservative personality. It is my personal belief that religion has been a tool used for centuries on end for the few to control the many. More wars have been waged and lives lost over religion than any naturally occurring event on this planet. The crusades for example...Waging war on the sole basis that they worshipped differently than Christians. What a crock. Now who did the fighting and dieing? Hmm...was it the priests?

Religions biggest reason for decline? Folks learned how to read. They learned that maybe the priests had been taking advantage.

Fear is the biggest motivator these charlatans use...fear of an angry GAWD, going to damn them forever and ever. Now I'm not advocating killing, maiming, adultery, or whatever...I'm still a proponent of personal responsibility, but to teach people you'll go to hell for playing music, or wearing make-up? C'mon.

I was given a George Carlin calendar for Christmas, and I like this entry in particular:

"I've begun worshipping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike some other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It's there for me every day. And the things it brings me are quite apparent all the time: heat, light, food, a lovely day. There's no mystery, no one asks for money, I don't have to dress up, and there's no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I formerly offered to 'God' are all answered at the same 50-percent rate."

Now I didn't intend to start this as an assault on religion. I'll let anyone believe as they like. All I ask is the same in return, don't push me, I won't push you. But that's never the case is it? Religious zealots can't seem to help but push...crusades anyone?

My chief bitch for this session is prejudice. Now the general association for that word deals with race. Which is just one of many negative aspects of prejudice. I like to believe I keep an open mind, I know I fail on occasion, but I am aware when I don't and attempt corrective action. I am willing to consider all things from all peoples. I am an analyst by nature, and my belief is in logic. Logic depends on data, and I have no idea from whence data may come. Now I filter through that data by applying it. If it works, or just works for me, in a favorable fashion I apply it to my practice. If not I discard it as errant, and file it away as misinformation.

What that means, for me, is that I could learn from those both younger and older, richer or poorer, or even an idiot.

I have rules that I live by, governing principles in truth, and chief among these is consideration. I have found in my time that the masses have a poor understanding of the language they speak, and I am very particular in the words I use and the meanings they convey. However it is also the source of many a miscommunication because oft times there are variations in the meanings that individuals have for words. Hence the need for consideration of all things from all sources.

There are those, however, who feel they can pre-judge how things are or how they will be based on limited, or no information. Belief is an amazing thing; it can enable people to do incredible feats, but it can also cause people to be incredibly blind. A belief for me is an answer in need of constant question...because it could be wrong. People believe that than can predetermine anything they've not experienced have closed their minds to a world of possibility.

I have grown soul-weary from the trials and tribulations I've endured from those whom have closed their minds to *any* other possibilities other than the ones they believe to be correct. They would readily answer me that they know they are right, but refuse to hear any questioning regarding their belief. They can't truly know, because they haven't actually experienced anything, they *steadfastly believe* at best.

I suppose I'll close with this from George Carlin:
"I'm an outsider by choice, but not truly. It's the unpleasantness of the system that keeps me out. I'd rather be in, in a good system. That's where my discontent comes from: being forced to choose to stay outside."